I'm Not Gonna Make It

Despite what 30% of people will tell you... I'm a pretty nice guy.

Eh... that's vague and a little too self back patty. How about this: I'm a lenient person when it comes to mistakes of performers. Eh... no, that doesn't work either; it's too subtle.

Here it is: More times than not, in situation where I could be, I'm not a complete and utter dick. There... that's more accurate. (And it's a comedy blog, so a dick reference must be made in the opening few lines... or what are we really doing here, folks?)

That doesn't sound like it could create a problem, but it does. I'm sometimes politely passive to avoid being seen as someone taking the miniscule amount of power they have too seriously. That would make me no better than every Target assistant manager who carries around a clip board. I can't become that.

I've rarely cut someone's mic when they've went over. I could have. I could have turned the sound off, sent someone up with a hook, and yanked them off stage. Well... not that physical... damn frivolous lawsuits... but in that same vein. Same for when people show up late... I generally let them know not to do that, and we move along with our evenings. 

But... You decided something else came up? Wasn't feeling it that night? Decided not to write any material or talking points and gave me 30 mins heads up even though you knew yesterday you weren't coming? That's become a problem.

The problem is when people do this they have no care, understanding, or awareness on how that effects other people. It's self centered and discourteous.

Here is the series of events of what you did: You asked for a spot. You were listed as a performer and tagged on Facebook. You were sent a confirmation email roughly a week before to remind and confirm you. Then... I get an e-mail 30 minutes before start time saying, "I forgot I was on." Or no heads up at all and then contacted me a day or two later asking to be put on the next one.


Without adequate warning, we have no time to contact the people who wanted to go on stage due to the list being full. These are people who could have brought a few friends (which helps the bar/venue), plus... some of them are semi regulars with a good track record who were held off... for you. In return for us being accommodating and trying to be welcoming... we get a big ol' kick in the pants. (Sorry for the language)

So now... due to my usual laid back approach being taken advantage of too often, it's prison rules! Not... not a sexual acts for drugs trade off. We aren't going to force someone to give us... listen, never mind. I just mean we are going to make an example out of someone. That's all.

The next person who does this will never go on one of my stages again. We will proverbially have a picture of you with a "Do Not Service This Person" warning near our non-existent register. Your mentality is the same as someone who passes bad checks knowing damn well they can't be cashed... so, that is how we are going to treat you.

And I really don't want to do that... because I don't like being a dick...but unfortunately the percentage of people who don't like me is about to be raised to 31.